A blog will be posted day after tomorrow finalllyyyyy been so long 😀

Valentine’s day. 14th Feb 2014

So its been quite a while since I have blogged and the reason is that my hairdryer blew up. How this hairdryer is linked to me not being able to blog? Well, thats a funny story. My Vaio has this problem, weird problem, that has one solution so far and even that was discovered by me through extensive research on the internet. The solution is to preheat the processor until the whole board is heated enough to auto start the laptop. Now since there is no dryer, i cant preheat the laptop’s processor which in turn fails to start the laptop. Therefore, i am unable to open my WordPress and type in blogs. Its been frustrating as hell and there is so much i need to write about My feelings. Anyways, right now i wish everyone a happy valentine’s day and i want to wish Hira so bad and i would but its just that i cant send her a text since it would be awkward because i haven’t texted her in a long time. She hasn’t been online on whatsapp either which is a little worrying but oh well i will be back to write a full blog and a long one detailing my past week and how it has been and what has happened and emerged on top. I still love and miss Hira. Its proving really hard to move on. Oh well this is it. Its 12 06 am. Bye and have a lovely night!

Joanne Harris.
She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.

Days of redemption. 1st Feb 2014

So I watched Boston Legal until it ended around 1 am. I then went onto the roof and smoked two cigarettes before I began stargazing and thinking. I didn’t want to smoke weed so I didn’t make any joints. Instead, I just wandered off into an imaginary world of my own, my Utopia perhaps where everything was set according to the way that i wanted it to be and for me, it was all perfect there and then. It was a ere fifteen minutes of sheer enjoyment before I was buzzed back to life by a cold sweep od air. I came back downstairs and lay in bed, turned my television on and began surfing through channels until I finally stopped on MBC 2. I began watching this movie that was coming on Mbc 2 but I just couldn’t recall it’s name. Anyways, I began thinking about Hira you know. I had been avoiding all conversations since I was at Daniyal’s place and I had not talked to a lot of people. My whatsapp was filled with texts yet I just didn’t feel like answering them at all. I kept watching the movie and like I had said in my previous blog, I missed Hira and wanted to talk to her so I called. I quickly realized how awkward it’d be when she’d see me calling that late at night so I ended the call but her phone must have already rung. I put my gadgets on charge and slowly drifted into sleep as I thought about how stupid I had just been. 
I woke up around 12 30 pm in the morning and had breakfast before I began talking with my mom. We talked for an hour or two, mostly on the argument of whether I should go to her last cousin’s wedding or not. I told her I didn’t want to go because I was told to have a bed rest and because I just hate weddings now. She wouldn’t listen and insisted on me coming along. The talk ended when I stormed off into my room. I dozed off again while watching the television only to be woken up around 8 pm with my mom telling me to get dressed. I frowned and hesitated at first but seeing that I had no option, I dressed up and freshened up. We left for the wedding around 9 pm and arrived at the Taj marquee around 10 pm. The place was pretty good. My excitement for weddings was rejuvenated a little as I entered the banquet and the song collections as well as the ambiance was outstanding. Wasay bhai took me out for a joint session as usual but I had flu and he was astonished when I said no to the joint and smoked a cigarette instead. We went back inside, had food and talked with relatives while I met with distant cousins who were ridiculously hot. I never knew I had such girls as relatives. Anyways, by 1 am, we were heading back home and we arrived around 1 40 am. I went straight to bed and tries staying awake but eventually dozed off. 
Again, I was woken up by mom three hours later around 9 am because the driver had arrived who I had called a week prior since we had to submit registration forms for my cambridge examinations along with mahnoor and her friend’s forms. We headed for Standard chartered around 10 am and arrived around 10 30 am. Since all our documents were complete and there was no hurry whatsoever, we submitted the fees quite quickly and were out by 11 am. Dropped Mahnoor’s friend off before we headed to our Phuppo’s place. Arrived at Clifton around 12 30 pm and I met Soban bhai after last seeing him at the airport back in Islamabad. We both headed out after I greeted Yasir bhai and Phuppo. We smoked a cigarette or two before we headed to the tailor to get my length for Mehendi’s kurta. Yes, Soban bhai’ eldest brother, Omer bhai is getting married by the end of February. He made me and Soban bhai the creative head behind the Mehendi instigation and the Rasme-riwaaj and what not. We headed backstairs, talking about the props that we had ordered as well as the photographers that we were hiring as well as the halls and Mehendi dance medleys and sessions. Went upstairs and began talking, chit chatting and by 4 pm, we still weren’t done talking. Yasir bhai ordered Pizza from California and it arrived within 15 minutes. We ate and with our stomachs not able to handle anymore, we said our goodbyes after practicing for the dance for at least an hour. By 6 30 pm, we were in the car and headed towards Khadda market since mom had some work to do. She met a childhood frind of hers who had come from Australia with her husband and we sat there for another hour before we headed for Kolachi by 7 30 pm. 
Arrived at kolachi around 8 pm and had to wait until 8 45 pm for our order to arrive. Mom had ordered everything since I wasn’t hungry at all and I had no problem whatsoever in her handling the menu for yesterday night. We ate our food and talked about the mehendi and the things me and Soban bhai were planning before we headed back home around 10 30 pm. got back home around 11 pm and I left soon after to have a session with Daniyal. Picked Daniyal from his place and went to Abbas’s apartment instead. I called Abbas downstairs and Daniyal and I started making joints. By the time Abbas came and sat in the car, we had four paper joints ready to be lit and it was 11 50 pm so we started smoking. We talked and joked around while I invited the to my cousin’s mehendi before Abbas went back upstairs since his mom was calling constantly and we headed for Daniyal’s home. I checked the clock and it was 1 43 am which shocked both me and Daniyal since time had just sped by. I dropped Daniyal around 2 am before arriving at my home around 2 30. Paid the driver and headed back to my room where I changed my clothes and lay in bed. I then checked whatsapp and saw that Hira had replied to my hey that I had posted while I was at Kolachi. She told me she couldn’t call me back because she didn’t have credit and I said it was okay. I then dozed off while listening to songs around 3 50 or 3 40 am while I was still chatting with friends. 
Again, mom woke me up around 11 am since I had a class to attend at 12 pm. My tissues have mostly recovered and haven’t been a problem even though I was out day before yesterday, yesterday and today. So looks like striking “bed rest” off my To-do list is now an option. I changed my clothes and freshened up before I headed out for the class. Arrived at the centre around 12 15 and attended the class before heading back home around 2 pm. Got back home around 20 30 and changed back into my pyjamas before I opened the laptop and started blogging since it’s been too long. I am done with it for now. It’s 3 10 pm. Bye.

Sleepover. 30th Jan 2014

So I watched tv until Boston Legal started after I was done with my last blog. Boston Legal ended around 1 am and that is when I decided to have a baking session with Daniyal on skype. I called him and told him about my injuries and the stupid bed rest while we made joints in our own respective houses and smoked them. He had a wild idea and asked me if I could stay over at his place the following day. I was perfectly fine with it as long as he came to pick me up since I couldn’t walk around much or it’d start hurting me again. He agreed and we ended our call. I then began watching Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. In between came breaks where I would almost doze off and in the end, as I had suspected and predicted it would happen, I dozed off. I woke up around 3 pm and had lunch before I took a lengthy bath and came out around 5 pm. I dressed and packed my bag as well as took the books that I needed to study. I then proceeded to call Daniyal and ask him to come and pick me up. In the meantime I had to bare pain as I went to the barber’s shop to get my facial hair trimmed before getting a picture taken of me for passport sized photos that I need to submit along with form for the CIE registration for papers in may/june 2014. 
By the time I was back home, Daniyal was already waiting outside and I got my bag from my room, said goodbye to mom, took 1500 in cash and went back into the car. Daniyal had petrol and a little weed so we scored more weed for a 1000 bucks. We then headed to Daniyal’s home and parked outside the house around 7 pm. We began making joints right away and by the time we took a break it was 9 pm and we were so damn high. I had the laptop turned on upstairs in his room while we smoked joints down in the car. We went inside around 10 pm and began playing Mafia 2 before it was time to take Goofy, Daniyal’s 12 year old poodle, for a walk. We made a roachie and an ice blast joint before we headed out and bought a jumbo pack bottle of coke and some chips to eat as well before we went back home around 12 am. Had a little cooking session where Daniyal warmed up frozen food while I made a three egged omelette with Black olives and cheese melted in between the omelette after the omelette was folded. It was a risky experiment but it worked out great! The food was amazing and we were both full within 15 minutes. We then headed upstairs back into Daniyal’s room and I was about to play the machinist but thaat is when Daniyal had an idea to fire up a chillum before we began watching the movie. We procrastinated for another hour before we finally made a chillum joint and smoked it in the chillum around 3 am. We then began watching the movie but the buzz was just too much. Daniyal and I call the chillum a tequila shot of wee and it suits the situation perfectly. We passed out 15 minutes through the movie and the next thing I know is Daniyal screaming in my ears to wake up it’s 9 in the morning and I have a class. I woke up right away and saw Daniyal trying to get all dressed p and there was this hangover kind of feeling in me. That mild headache with a temporary buzz still sensible. We got in the car and I rolled two joints as we headed to Greenwich University. We smoked both of them while we were on the way and when we arrived at Greenwich, I stayed behind as Daniyal went to take his class. I dozed off until Daniyal was back around 12 pm to tell me that he has another class around 6. So we smoked a few more joints before we both dozed off around 3 pm in the parking of Greenwich university. Daniyal must have woken up and attended his 6 pm class since he woke me up around 9 20 with Bassam and Naveed standing with him. I met with both of them and we had another two joints before I made another Roachie as me and Daniyal prepared to travel to my place. We said goodbye to Naveed and Bassam as we headed out of the parking area and smoked the entire roachie while we drove home. I got home around 10 pm and had dinner as soon as I arrived before I slumped into my bed. My throat’s gotten sore and it’s been this way since three days so I took an Arinac around 11 pm. I then watched tv blankly for a few minutes before I decided to stalk Hira a little. My htc was out of battery since yesterday night so I charged it and used whatsapp in more than 24 hours I guess. Stalked Hira on facebook for a while. hell, stalking is a bad word. I just looked at a few pictures of her that I love before I started writing this blog around 12 am
I am done with this blog now and I miss Hira I need to talk to her I know but I don’t know if she wants to as well. I am confused. Anyways, I am done with this blog now and Boston Legal is just about to start so it’s 12 28 am. Bye and Night.

There are days when I am at peace and experience inner serenity. The rest of the time, I am just a category five tornado stuck in madness.

Sessions. 27th Jan 2014

So I lay back in bed for a while after my last blog before I eventually began talking to Abbas, Zoya, Daniyal and a few more friends. I stopped conversing around 8 pm which is when I began doing my homework. I had 8 chapters to study and by 10 pm, I was done with four of them so I stopped studying and had my dinner. By 10 30 pm, I was back in my room and had nothing to do whatsoever. I, therefore, decided to go out for a stroll. Yes, I have been strolling around 11 pm or 12 pm since two weeks and it’s fun walking alone with my htc in my hand, often using whatsapp on my gprs while I walk and listen to songs I don’t have a care in the world about night time robberies or muggings because it doesn’t worry me much anymore. I don’t know why. But yesterday, I couldn’t go out for a stroll after my mom reminded me that I was prescribed to bed rest. Frustrated because I had nothing to do, I sat back and started surfing through channels even though I wasn’t really paying attention to whatever was coming on any of the channels. I finally stumbled upon a football match between Barcelona and Malaga so I sat back and started watching the match around 11 pm. 
It was about an hour later when Hira replied to my text but I was so involved in the match that I actually didn’t see her text for another five minutes and even then, I randomly checked my whatsapp and was surprised that she had texted back. Maybe its because I wasn’t expecting her to reply. She told me she hadn’t cut me off and I told her that she doesn’t talk or reply to which she replied by saying that she’s just busy with her university. Either she thinks I am plain stupid or she thinks it’s a pretty good reason when it’s not a reason in the first place. Everyone’s busy in their own lives. I get the fact that she’s busy and I get it even more now that this month’s been hectic for me so far. What I don’t get is when I can take out 5 minutes in a day to text her morning and night, why can’t she do the same to atleast type “hey” or “hi” if typing “morning” or “goodnight” takes too long? I mean how long does it possibly take for a person to type “Hi”? Okay, maybe she’s too busy and literally doesn’t have time. But then one day goes by two days go by three days go by three weeks go by and she still doesn’t have time even when she has the time to read my texts? It’s absurd. That reason actually pissed me off. But I didn’t say anything because she had finally replied and it was still better than not replying at all. So she asked me how I was and how Abbas was doing with his injury and how I was doing with the injury. I told her I was good before I read the latter messages and I asked her who told her about the accident. She said Abbas told me and I asked in disbelief because I didn’t remember Abbas talking to Hira. Then Hira proceeds to say that it is not the concern at the moment. Ofcourse, it’s a god damn concern woman! You know about my injuries when we haven’t talked and you say Abbas told you so ofcourse it’s a concern for me since its all related to me! I called Abbas right away and asked him if he had told Hira about our injuries or let alone, conversed with her because I had a feeling she had not talked to him. I know her pretty damn well in this manner. I believe that she knows about my injuries because she cares. She always has. But how she came to know is something that has been boggling my mind ever since Abbas replied that he had not talked to Hira let alone tell her about the injuries. Anyways, she asked me  how we were both doing and I told her how Abbas was roughed up and told her about my injuries to which she said get well soon. For a minute, it looked like she was fulfilling a formality but somehow, I know she meant it. Maybe I am dead wrong but then again, maybe I am dead right. I then asked her how she was and she told me she was good after which I replied saying good and the conversation killed off right there and then.
I waited for a minute or two to see if she was gonna reply and since there was no activity, I went off and started watching the match again. I started skyping with Rehab after the match had ended and proceeded to skype with Nokhez before I stopped skyping around 4 am. I had downloaded “The machinist” and “American Psycho” via torrents while I was skyping and both the movies starred Christian Bale. I started watching American Psycho after I was done skyping and the movie ended around 6 am. The movie was outrageously incredible, Indescribable in its own misdemeanor and Christian Bale’s acting was perfect in every aspect of the term. I checked whatsapp once again before I finally went to sleep around 6 30 am.
I woke up around 1 30 pm thanks to Wasay bhai screaming in my ears. I saw him and instantly knew that I was going to endure a weed session pretty soon and with no misjudgment, around 2 pm, I was upstairs with Wasay bhai making a paper joint while Wasay bhai made a cigarette joint. We smoked the two joints before I made another double paper joint and Wasay bhai made another cigarette joint. We smoked them as well while taking random photos up on the roof. By the time we were done smoking the lot, we were immensely high and talking about university life as well as future plannings and the past. It was a pretty good time and we enjoyed it until 4 pm when we finally headed downstairs since Wasay bhai had to go and attend a class. I, on the other hand, had lunch after saying bye to Wasay bhai and solemnly came back to my room.. I watched an episode of Sherlock which began around 5 pm and ended around 6 30 pm. I then proceeded to read news on the internet before surfing a lot of other websites, none of them being pornographic websites since porn just doesn’t seem to satisfy me anymore. Instead, I read football news and read other blogs before spending a little time on ask.fm. By 9 30 pm, I was bored again so I had dinner and returned to my room around 10 pm. I started studying once again and by the time I was done with the final four chapters which seemed to have taken up eons of time, it was 11 30 pm. So I surfed facebook for about five or ten minutes before finally deciding to write today’s blog. I am done with it now. It’s 11 57 pm. Bye and Night.

And with the colours of my eyes fading away, I see life as it is. With every breath whisking away, I find it harder to grasp reality and while emotions may determinate my outcome, my mind realizes the true nature of one’s existence, the true ideology of this world.

Hope. Once again. 26th Jan 2014

So I didn’t have a lot of time in the past few days to write a lot of stuff that had been going in my mind and IN my life. Well i’ll start with the injuries that Abbas and I suffered from the accident. So Abbas has a right ribcage fracture which puts him in bed rest for the next three weeks while I have just learned an hour prior to this blog that I have extensive tissue damage in my shoulders and in my right leg. My pain had subsided in the three days following the accident yet when I’d raise my elbow above 120 degrees it wouldn’t move further up and the pain would be horrific while my leg would endure extreme pain if I’d run so I had an appointment with the doctor today and his results are just what I’ve told you earlier in this paragraph. I have been given a five day bed rest which means I won’t be going anywhere for the next five days. Well, maybe I will but I won’t be using my right side of the body too much because of the shoulder and the leg. Meanwhile, the car has incurred extensive damage and will be repaired in the next three weeks. Since, there was no insurance on the car, it’s repair expenses are approximately 1 lac and even though Abbas has paid the amount, the car won’t be back until the end of February. 
Well that sums up the accident. On the other hand, my results came out Friday morning and I had a D in composite Sociology while I had a C in Psychology ASlevel. It’s enough to get me in undergrad programs at Greenwich where I’ll have the time of four semesters to complete my Alevels while I study at the university. It’s also enough to get me into an undergrad program at Iqra but I don’t know how many semesters I’ll have there to complete my Alevels and I don’t intend to find out either because I don’t want to go into Iqra. Then there’s Szabist and I don’t know if it has an undergrad program or not but I can still enlist there and start studying in the summer session since it will give me enough time to complete the rest of my Alevels before the first semester ends. I can still enlist there under certificate courses which will allow me three subjects per semester until I complete my alevels and thats when those subjects will already be added to my credits once I enlist but it’s a long run and I am not interested in it. The result is also enough for me to apply in undergrad programs at both CBM, KITE and Biztek which is pretty good but I am only interested in Greenwich, since I have all my childhood friends there now including Daniyal and Naveed, and Szabist since I have a few friends there as well and it’s where I’ve wanted to go for a long time now. This sums up my educational involvement.
Then there is a pretty good news for me. My dad just got shifted to a normal lockup last Saturday, the day I had the accident and he will be out before the end of this month. It’s a done deal and the situation was one which had me stressed out to quite an extent. It will finally be over and everything will be back to normal once again.
That leads to the last thing. Well, not everything will be back to normal since there is one important aspect of my life that still remains on a string, dangling from one end to the other, threatening me with every swing it takes and its Hira. She has been with me ever since the summer of 2012 and through my hardest times. No matter how pissed off I got after she shut me out three or four weeks ago, it still doesn’t mean that I am over her or mad at her or not in love with her anymore. I am very much in love with her as I was before and okay, yes she pissed me off very much and yes she doesn’t love me anymore but no, she was there always and has been a great person to me. I still have this attachment to her and she has been popping up in my life in terms of thoughts and questions if not in presence. 
The day I wrote my last blog, I got dressed and headed downstairs. I got out of the house and since the wedding was nearby, I decided to stroll to the hall. On the way to the hall, I met a few old friends back from BAC where Hira and I used to study and where we first began talking. It was Suleiman Banka and Qurrat who spotted me and came over. We began chatting and that is when Qurrat asks me out of the blue if Hira is my girlfriend. I was speechless and blank and I didn’t know what to say so I avoided the question. I asked him who was spreading such rumors and he told me some girl named Urooj who also happens to be Hira’s friend told him. I had no idea who this Urooj was and I told him that we’re just friends. I then proceeded to the wedding and came back around 5 in the morning. I dozed off around 7 before waking up at 10 am. I took a bath and dressed up before I left for my class. I’ve lost that habit I had of checking my whatsapp as soon as I wake up since I don’t have someone waiting for my text anymore. Atleast, not someone I love. I came back from the class around 4 pm and went to sleep around 6 pm before waking up around 12 30 am. I checked my whatsapp and chatted for a while before I started skyping with Nokhez. Then I skyped with Rehab and then I chatted with a few more of my friends before I went offline around 6 am. I then pondered. I thought about how long it had been since I had a chat with Hira and I know I shouldn’t have stopped texting her but I had to give her time. I am not the kind of guy who waits and she knows that I guess but I still waited for her and I’ll wait longer if I have to but I want the air to be cleared out you know. She has just shut me out of my life and I still have this fire that I had before inside of me that burns for her alone. That sexual attraction, my hornyness, that trust and that ability to be myself and simply myself infront of someone only comes to life when that someone is her. I noticed it while I was skyping with Nokhez and Rehab. That feeling just didn’t turn up as it should have. Instead, I’ve been numb and boring ever since I’ve stopped talking to Hira and I don’t know that if I told her all of this, she’d take it seriously or not. Maybe she knows how much I love her and maybe she has her reasons for shutting me out but I want to know. And I want to try all I can to get her back and since I am a very poor candidate when it comes to getting someone back, I know my chances are 1 in a million but atleast I want to give it all and try my best. So I dozed off around 7 am today and woke up around 10 30 am. I had breakfast, took a bath, dressed up and went to take my class. My class ended at 1 30 am and I headed to Smokeena where I puffed sheesha and played ludo with friends. I still had my thoughts about Hira wandering my lonely mind so I texted her on Whatsapp asking her why she has shut me out. I then proceeded to leave Smokeena soon after around 3 pm. I met Jahanzeb along the way and we caught up on recent topics before he dropped me home around 3 30 pm. I then went with mom to the hospital and got checked up. Came back around 4 30 pm with the reports that I just mentioned in the first paragraph of this blog. 
I lay in bed and surfed through channels on the tv but what I was really thinking was if Hira would reply or not. It’s something that mystifies me currently yet I can’t do anything about it. Everything in life is back to normal though and if only she’d come back then I’d say everything was almost perfect again. I hope she replies and I hope things turn out good. In the end, I hope yet once again.
After half an hour or so, I decided to turn my laptop on and started blogging. This is it for now. It’s 5 21 pm. Bye and Night

Accident aftermath. 24th Jan 2014

So I have been resting ever since my last blog because the pain started increasing and it turned out that I had some torn tissues in my shoulder which I got checked afterwards. I was pretty much stable day before yesterday and had a Mehendi on the same night so I scored 25 grams of weed before I made a four joints and went to the mehendi of my friend’s sister. Everyone was there and I was forced to talk to Kaif. We put our misunderstandings aside and since I was high already, I didn’t make much of a fuss because I just didn’t feel angry enough. Four of us smoked weed. Me, Kaif, ASad and Kashan and it was good stuff. Everyone one of us was high quite soon and nobody knew what they were doing. I took myself in control and sat with Abdul Rehman who had just come because of me all the way from Mohammad Ali Society. It was a pretty good night that ended with a breakfast. I came back home and dozed off around 9 am. 
I woke up the next day around 3 pm and hurriedly dressed and freshened up since I had a class to attend at 4 30. The situation of the city was in turmoil and it was pretty difficult reaching my Centre since most of the main roads near the airport were shut off due to strikes. I made my way through nevertheless and attended my class which ended around 6 pm. I then proceeded to buy weed with a friend from Gulshan before heading to Daniyal’s place for a night stay as proposed. I arrived at his home around 8 pm and boy, did the fun start from there.
We began with lighting up a joint before I met goofy after 4 years, Daniyal’s 12 year old poodle. I lit another joint and a chillum before we cooked and ate dinner. We then smoked joints and watched movies. The whole night is a blur really and I am till in a sort of hangover because I have a headache and can’t remember anything from the yesterday night. I checked my results after waking up around 12 pm in the morning. I got a C in Psychology AS and a D in Composite Sociology which is pretty good enough for me to get into any university that I target for media sciences. We then prayed and began lighting up joints again before meeting up with Naveed and getting more high. Ultimately, I left for home around 5 pm and got back home around 5 30 pm. I te and met with a friend before lighting two more joints. I then came back home and ironed my clothes for The baraat I am headed into after 30 minutes. I watched a little tv and made two more joints before deciding to write this blog and I am done with it now.
I have been thinking about Hira quite a lot lately and I ioften look at her profile and think about whatsapping her but what stops me is the thought that what if she doesn’t want me to talk to her anymore. What if she really did ditch me and moved on without an utter cry of pity? Anyways, I am done for now and oh yes, Abbas suffered a right ribcage fracture. Anyways, it’s 9 32 pm. This is it for now. bye and Night.