Monthly Archives: September 2013

Star Gazing. 30th Sept 2013

So I woke up late today as well. Saw it coming since I slept around 6 am yesterday as well. It’s no surprise my routine’s changed since Saturday night. Still trying to regain my usual routine. Oh well. the day progressed rather quick. It was 7 pm before I was done with my tea  and I followed it up with my Protein shake before I was ready to go to gym. Since I was going after almost a week, I prepared myself for today’s session. 
As soon as I arrived at the gym, my trainer put me up for a very rough session. Was sweating heavily almost 10 minutes into training. About half an hour after I’d started, Kaif showed up. I had imagined he’s say hello or meet, forgetting Friday’s incident. but I was wrong. He saw me but didn’t even bother to greet me. That pissed me off. i had people who show such attitude after you’ve done so much for them. Fuckers deserve to be kicked in the nuts. I did what I thought was necessary to teach him a lesson. Went straight infront of me, talked to my trainer and looked at him sternly but didn’t greet him either. I know it doesn’t make me any different from the fucker to an extent but if he’s going to put up with an attitude, I am going to put up with a stronger and aggressive attitude to make him realize that I don’t owe him shit. If he thinks I will come begging for him to talk to me, he’s wrong. He doesn’t get the fact that I don’t depend on him. i’ve got much better friends than him and I’d much as well hang out with them than this douchebag. Besides, Abbas has given me advice to stay away from the freak and its paying off literally. I’ve saved up way more money in a period of 5 days than I have ever saved while I was hanging out with Kaif and his friends. Furthermore, I haven’t smoked sheesha in two days because now I refuse to go out with them to a cafe even if they ask me. It’s healthier for me I guess. Although I smoked two cigarettes yesterday and two more today but it’s still less harmful than four sheeshas in two days.
Well, that being said and done, I finished my exercise around 9 45 pm and headed home. As soon as I got home, I drank my second protein shake as per the daily routine. Then I sat down to play RCT3 and it was 12 before I knew it. Didn’t study today which is a very bad thing. I have two weeks remaining before my exams start and I shouldn’t go so easy on my revision. I will cover up today’s loss tomorrow night and study excessively because thats how I am going to get good grades now. 
Closed RCT3 around 2 am and proceeded to watch Breaking Bad. 
After watching Breaking Bad, I went onto the roof with a bottle of Coca Cola and enlightened a cigarette as I puffed smoke while travelling into my thoughts. The usual really. Thinking about being with Hira, planning the future and building up on what I should do tomorrow and the following month. Enlightened my second cigarette as I went deeper into my thoughts and further away from reality. As the second cigarette ended, I came back to life as it is and decided I should do a little star gazing as the skies were crystal clear today. And just as I star gazed, a big part of me wished Hira was with me so we could hold hands and talk as we looked at the skies. Would be so peaceful and romantic. Share a kiss and look into each others eyes, feeling secure and comfortable in each others presence. Would be perfect. Perhaps that day isn’t far off when we’ll be doing things like this. Until then all I can do is wait. 
Thats when I went back downstairs and headed into my room, opened up my blog and started typing. Hell I shouldn’t say this is a blog since its my Daily Diary. I’ve made sure no one else reads this. There are definitely no followers that I know of and its good. I want this to stay personal and private. Ofcourse, I’ll show all this to Hira one day.
Oh well. Thats it for today. Bye.

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Boredom. 29th Sept 2013

So the title really says it all. I overslept today. Woke up around 6 pm. I had a mild headache thanks to too many excessive hours of sleep. Took a Panadol before I ate anything at all. just wanted the headache to go away. Then I checked my texts like always. The so-called friends I have in my neighborhood had asked me where I was and if I could come to the cafe. I would have said yes a few weeks ago but I said no today. Probably because I’ve had enough of them. 
I ate whatever I found good enough to eat from the fridge and then I opened my laptop and started playing RCT3. I kept playing and playing until it was 10 pm. Thats when I began to study. I was in no mood to study though. It was like I was forcing myself, dragging my hands to flip the pages and burning my eyes to read what was on them. I was finished around 12 am and I began playing RCT3 again. I was bored to be honest. i wanted to hang out but I couldn’t. I could hang out with the neighborhood friends but they’d bore me furthermore and they aren’t worth it anymore. 
So it was 5 am before I knew it and I was still playing RCT3. I shut it down. Lightened up a cigarette. Went onto the roof of my house and started envisioning. I envisioned shifting away from here. Having a very good life. Studying in a university. And hanging out almost daily with Hira. roaming around with friends. Partying. And thats when My cigarette was nothing but ashes so I returned to my room. Decided to write down my blog. 
And now since it’s 6 12 am, I am going to lighten up another cigarette, envision some more. And then go sleep. Bye.

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The long day. 28th Sept. 2013

So today was a very long day. I was out since 10 am and just got back about an hour ago around 3 30 am in the morning. It was tiring. but it was worth it nonetheless.
My driver came at 9 am and I had to dress up early in the morning which is highly unlikely of me. Anyway, I got in the car and picked went to my cousin, Ayesha baji’s place. She was the bride for today’s big wedding. She was still getting ready and packing her stuff for the parlour and her new home while I sat down and ate breakfast and watched Tv. At around 3 we took off, dropped her at the beauty parlor and proceeded to her future husband’s house with Mobeen bhai, brother of Ayesha baji, to drop her luggage off. Thats when I texted Hira if we could perhaps meet up and the way she replied gave me hope that we could work something out. Meanwhile, we dropped off the luggage and headed towards home. On the way back, we stopped at the marriage hall we had booked for the wedding to pay off the final cheque and then I proceeded to drop Mobeen bhai off at his place. Thats when he asked me to drop the rest of Ayesha baji’s luggage at her new home. I agreed and went back to drop the rest of the luggage.
I was already exhausted since I had just endured a three hour sleep since last day and I was sleepy. But I was already planning out a potential meeting with hira. And thats what kept me alive. She told me she was at Cineplex and since it would be in the way and since I had a window of 2 hours before it was 7 pm, i decided that it could work and I was so eager to meet her that I would have gone anyway. I stopped in between to take a pack of cigarettes and a can of Dew. Arrived at Cineplex at around 5 55 pm, just 5 minutes before Hira said the movie would be over. I asked Babul, my driver, to park there and lightened my first cigarette. I was so nervous that by the time she came out at around 6 20 pm, I had already smoked 6 cigarettes and I was still shaking with that nervous feeling I have every time I meet Hira.
Butterflies you may suggest? Maybe. I have never quite figured out what the nervousness is all about when I meet her. All I do know is that its a mixed feeling of happiness to just see her, the thoughts about how much and what I have in mind to talk to her about, the eagerness to let the time freeze since it always seems to triple its pace when i am with her and the mere fact that she gives me utter serenity upon meeting her.
Oh well, so she came and sat in the car. I asked her where do we go and how she’ll be going back. So she told me that since I picked her, she expected me to drop her Though, thats not what I had in mind, I’d never say no and took her back to her place. Talked about a few things on the way. But they really didn’t matter. I was just happy to see her. I didn’t know exactly what topics I was sharing with her or were they even important enough but just to see that pretty smile on her lovely face was all i needed to continue the conversation, no matter how pointless it may have been. I couldn’t stop looking at her. i did turn away time from time because it’d make her feel comfortable but I had to look back. I just can’t ever get enough of her. I was still so nervous that I lightened another cigarette to ease myself. But ofcourse it was a lame excuse, no cigarette was going to quiver that nervousness that I had,
As usual, the time flew by like it was just 5 minutes and I with her infront of her building. We said our goodbyes and held hands before she departed into the building. i really didn’t want to let go of her hand. Maybe it was because of the fear of how long it’ll be before I hold her again. Or for that matter, see her again. 
But she had to go and though those mere couple of seconds seemed like the best part of the day. Or week. Or month. They ended with a sudden impact. And as she left I texted her asking to meet her after the wedding at around 1 am in the night. She told me it’d be difficult but she’d try. And so that gave me hope.
Then I went back to pick up Ayesha baji from the beauty parlor she was at and surprisingly, she took an hour more. Made me regret that I could have stayed with Hira an hour longer but because I have this habit of punctuality, I was at the beauty parlor at the time given to me. I waited for an hour inside the car reminiscing the meeting I had just had with Hira. Short but lovely nevertheless. Then Ayesha Baji came down, all dressed up as a bride and we sped to the marriage hall so she’d be there in time. Dropped her off at 9 am and went back home. 
As soon as I got back home, I freshened up and dressed myself in a Sherwani, trying to look good enough at the wedding even though I knew my face would tell anyone that I was exhausted. My family was already prepared and so we departed for the marriage hall.
Upon arrival, the things that followed were evident and inevitable. The customary photo shoots, the traditional ceremonies and the gossip among cousins as well as all hell breaking loose on dinner. During the marriage I asked Hira if she had worked out a way of meeting later on at night but she told me it was not possible. I insisted and tried to persuade her. Meanwhile, the wedding ceremony was over and everyone headed home. I dressed myself into a casual shot, shirt and slipper before heading to cafe Smokeena. 
Upon arrival I ordered a sheesha and asked Hira once more if we could meet up. It was around 1 20 am and she told me it’d be very difficult and that it was a risk since her night guard at the apartment was very crooked and kept note of everything and that if he ever discussed me being there with Hira at 1 or 2 am in the night with her father, it’d get her in a very critical situation. i still insisted but then I came to my senses that I was being too persuasive and that it was wrong. I didn’t want her to get in trouble later on and so I told her that she’s right and I personally felt that I should meet her this late tonight. Not after what she told me. She didn’t reply to my text which indicated that she had fallen asleep. 
So I smoked my Sheesha and watched an Indian movie along with my friend, who is the owner of Cafe Smokeena.
By the time it was 3 am, I decided to head home and arrived back around 3 30 am. I went to my room, dressed into my night dress and headed to my mom’s room who was still awake and wanted to talk about the events. She told me how grateful Ayesha baji and her family was for my help and that they appreciated it greatly. Made me feel good. Very good. After an hour of chit chat and gossips with mom, she went to sleep and I proceeded to blog.
Now that i am done with my blog, I’ll definitely just lie down and doze off. Bye.

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High. 27th Sept 2013

So like always I woke up around 2 pm. But today was interesting. I woke up to the excitement of playing RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 once again. i had it installed late yesterday night and I was such a big fan of the game 2 years ago that I couldn’t wait to play it. I played it for about an hour before I realized I hadn’t checked my messages on both my mobiles. Surprisingly, I had replied to Hira about a text she had earlier sent to me but I didn’t remember it. probably I was too sleepy when I texted her back. It was about how I missed her and how the atmosphere was so sexy and it really was sexy when I had sent her that text. It was at 4 am in the morning yesterday and it was raining heavily. Reminded me of a day I had spent with her at Abbas’ place. We had had a romantic evening that day. Very erotic. And I remember standing by her should hugging her from behind, looking outside the window at the raindrops thrashing down so quick.
Well, after the sweep search of my mobiles I proceeded to go out with a friend to a cafe nearby. There, we had a friendly quarrel like always. Just, this time it got serious and I was so pissed off that I headed back home right after everything softened up. I got back home and discussed it with Abbas and told him how pissed I was as well as how much I hated the fact that these guys don’t even respect me. Abbas coincided and suggested that I withdraw my attention from these so called friends. Which I will starting tomorrow.
I got back to playing RCT3 but only with an hour gone, Murtaza called me. I picked up the phone and was shocked to hear that he was in my neighborhood and I got off almost instantly and headed to the cafe he was at. We sat there and he asked me why I was fighting among friends in the neighborhood. I was shocked at how quickly rumors spread out and how wrong they are. I explained to him briefly the whole situation that had taken place. I told him that it wasn’t a fight. just a small friendly quarrel taken a bit too seriously and that I only went home because I was pissed off and I didn’t want to enhance the aggression that I was already feeling. He understood what had happened and we proceeded to smoke sheesha and talk abut what we usually have in mind. In short, we had a very good time like always. 
Then I decided it was time to go home. So when I got back I started studying instead of going to gym. I finished studying after about an hour and a half. Then I decided to text Hira on whatsapp. She texted me soon after and we had a talk. I told her I wanted to meet her tomorrow. Knowing how bizarre my idea would sound, I still gave it a shot but to no avail. Instead she started asking me why I was so high. It made me laugh but I felt good. I felt at peace. So I told her I don’t know and then our conversation ended. Obviously my mom knew who I was texting with because of the smiles emerging on my face continuously during the entire conversation I had with Hira. I will ask her tomorrow once again if she can meet up at 1 am. I hope she says yes because I really do want to meet her. 
Oh well. Now here I am. Just waiting eagerly to be done with this blog and go forth to play RCT3 for as long as I can. Well. This was it for today. Bye.

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Brotherhood. 26th Sept 2013

Waking up as early as 11 am is a very rare incident in my daily routine but it just so happened today. I was fresh and couldn’t go back to sleep so I turned on the tv and watched whatever I deemed entertaining for the next three hours. There was an episode of Top Gear running on Mbc Action. Watched the whole one hour episode. I love Top Gear and how their video making angles and concepts are so idealistic and jaw dropping. Ofcourse no one can forget the cars that are viewed and driven in the show as well as the enormous sense of humor that adds tremendous fun to the glamour of the show. After that I opted to switch to Channel V and listened to music for the next two hours and that is when Abbas came.
He called me and asked me to come down. The time was somewhere between 2 and 2 30 pm. I dressed up reluctantly because I was in no mood to go anywhere or talk to anyone but since he had come all the way it’d be bad if I turned him down.I got in the car and he immediately asked me where we should go. He knew my circumstances and what had happened with my dad so I expected him to do the spending today since I was extremely short on cash. More like broke. And the second I told him I was short on cash he seemed to be outraged. blaming me for being the cause that he drove such a distance and had no idea that I would be short on cash. I tried to stay calm and gave him a few cheap alternatives but he wouldn’t listen. So, I asked him what we should do. Thats when he said that we should go back home and since he has fever he is in no mood to hangout anymore whatsoever. That just pissed me off straight out. I got out of the car and before I shut the door, I told him that I expected him to understand my current financial situation. Moreover, I thought he had come to sooth me up a bit and talk, not smoke shisha. With that, I shut the door and stormed back into the house as I heard his car speed off. 
I got back into my room. I was angry. Very angry. I had made up my mind that if Abbas didn’t come back then I was wrong all along. That he was just like the others and I was wrong to think that he was actually like a brother to me and vice versa. I opened my whatsapp to see if Hira was online. She was. But I didn’t talk because I got Abbas’ message just as I was about to type a text to her on whatsapp. He kept sending messages asking me to come down immediately. I got down. Went into the car and he apologized instantaneously. Saying his head wasn’t working because of the fever and that he did come to meet me and not just because he wanted to smoke shisha. That was a relief to me. It gave me proof that I was right and that he is like a brother to me and vice versa. He is different from the other friends that I have.
Since I looked like a refugee because of my mustache and beard, Abbas firstly took me to a barber and paid him to shave off my facial hair. Then we headed for a cafe nearby and he paid for everything from his own stash that he was saving for emergencies. He started calming me down. Telling me I should focus on my studies and that I shouldn’t worry about the current situation. That it’ll all be over soon enough. That I should focus on talking with Hira and give her time even if she’s busy. That I should start being normal and get out of my house more often. Just like before.
But the truth is. Its all so hard. I don’t like talking with any of my friends or hanging out with them at the moment. I have been talking sternly with Hira since the news I heard. I try to stay normal and talk like I always do with her but I just can’t. I’ve got too much stress on my mind. The same reason why I can’t focus on my studies properly. That this crisis is ruining my life. I told all of this to Abbas and he told me that he’d convince Hira to talk to me. That he’d tell her that I was in a very depressed mood and that she should talk. i told him not to do so. Probably because I don’t want Hira to think that I am under stress or whatsoever. I don’t want to burden her with what I am facing. I will eventually find a way out of this and get back to normal with my life and Hira. Until then I’ll just have to wait it out. Ofcourse I miss her terribly but I’ll have to wait it out.
Then we left the cafe and brought me back home. Reminded me how special the bond between the two of us is. Brotherhood. Indeed.
Then I went to gym after a two day gap and was pretty active. Got back home and decided to take a day off of studying and release my stress. Now I’ll probably smoke a bit and think about how I deal with my crisis. And then I’ll probably sleep. Bye.

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